My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
