yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
