Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
