My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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