this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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