If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
