Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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