I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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