I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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