You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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