Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
