your thong is hanging out like whoa
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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