Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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