highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
