the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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