I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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