I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
