You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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