I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
