I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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