dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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