He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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