I'm laying in your front yard are you home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
