There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
