Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
