I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
