This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
