I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
