I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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