okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
