i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
