How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I cannot find my penis.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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