Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
