woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
