Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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