i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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