Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
