If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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