Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
