3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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