sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
