My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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