Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
