so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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