"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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