you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
