I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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