I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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