so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
