I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
