some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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