Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
