Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You smell like stripper and shame
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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