I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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