South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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