butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
