MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
