I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
