I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
