I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You can't motorboat a personality
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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