Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
