I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
