Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
